Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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