it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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