I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
