I puked a lego.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
