I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
