She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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