he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
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