the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
