Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
