it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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