It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
