Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize