I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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