i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
