do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
