Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That accounts for only three of the penises
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
