I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
