dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
