all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
