He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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