No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
