Whod you bang
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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