she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
