Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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