hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
