My underwear smells like fireworks.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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