Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
