Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think my moral compass just broke
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
