Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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