My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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