I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
