You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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