Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
