he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
