Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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