That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
