in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
