I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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