I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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