was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
