What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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