question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
