my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
