if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
