Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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