You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
