i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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