Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
