he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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