My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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