there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
