you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize