She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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