yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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