His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize