Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
