the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
