just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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