When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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