Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
