they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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