I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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