I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
