i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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