i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
