A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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