the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
