I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
