My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
