There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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