its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
