I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
