Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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