I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
