she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
