and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
